A Personal Review

I've met a lot of people over the last year. Really good and dedicated people doing quiet volunteer work in our community without any fanfare whatsoever. They don't get public recognition because they don't want it. For them, it's their involvement and commitment that matter the most. But there is also a deep satisfaction that something real is being accomplished with other people who are giving their time towards a common purpose. Quietly.

And even as I continued to rage against the machine, writing and whining, and not really getting anything much accomplished, there began to be this hollow feeling after finishing each post.

OK, well...now what?




I had no answer for myself.
It was the same sense of nothingness that I wrote about after the Zaluc meeting in February. OK...they're in there and we're out here ....and now what do we do?

I wish it were as funny as the Seinfeld episode when George explained to the NBC executives that the premise of their new show would be about NOTHING. But this isn't a sitcom. This is about a person who wants to understand how he can best involve himself in his neighborhood and use his abilities to that end.

And although I enjoy writing, there is no personal satisfaction from simply complaining about things that I can do very little to control when I know darn well, I could put on some comfortable clothes, make a phone call or two and in an hour be working with some kids teaching them about something as rewarding as gardening. Maybe I can be a positive influence on just one kid and maybe he or she will remember something that we did together and maybe I would trade in all my essays for that to happen. I use the word maybe, but I've really already made up my mind because this has not been an overnight realization.

This is all about personal choices. Maybe if I was twenty something again and thought that time didn't matter as much as I think it does now, this choice wouldn't be made. But I'm not that young any more and the big clock is ticking and I don't think I've done everything I need to do yet. I had some teachers and volunteers take an interest in me when I needed it most and guess I just want to return the favor.

As I now consider my activities "politicaly neutral", I will be looking for common ground, support and opportunities wherever I can find them on activities that are important to me. My involvement with Devcorp, at least in my mind, does not constitute a political endorsement or represent some deep conspiratorial tomfoolery. It is simply a matter of timing and synergy with another project I happen to be involved with and I would have written about it whether that irresponsible post appeared or not.

I don't expect everyone to understand or agree with my decision. Everything seems to be met with suspicion and rumours and there is nothing I can do about that. I've written about my opinions ad nauseum and I simply have said enough and I'm tired of complaining. I just think it's time for me to start doing something real and constructive.

Please understand, I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty or not involved enough or consider what I'm doing any great shakes because I don't. Again, it's just a personal choice. We all do what we can and it's not my business to berate people into involvement of any kind.

There is also a healthy and realistic understanding that as much as I have disagreed with what exists, the system, TIFS, SSA's and and all the rest aren't going away anytime soon. I can whine until I'm blue in the face and that won't change a damn thing. If I happen to find in the future as I already have with a project Devcorp is working on, that there is an opportunity to volunteer on a community initiative I can support, I will. I will look for those opportunities wherever I can.

There are plenty of others who can do a better job than I did who are seeking change and I will just borrow this phrase from Uncle Crabby and say good luck and "soldier on".